Rosemary Diaries - Day 120
72 days of silence.
That’s how long I haven’t wrote a new blog post about the book. Cause to be true, nothing much had happened to the book, so I couldn’t really write about it, could I?
But things changed. For the past 2 days I’ve been dragged into darkness. This is the place I go when I need to be creative. All the worst in me comes out to hunt me down. I’ve become moody, annoying, insomniac and just plain awful. But it’s a place I need to go every now and then if I want to output something creative. It’s horrible. I really do feel like shit when all is said and done. But it’s totally worth it. In this 2 horrible days I’ve written 2 chapters for the book and had 1 realization.
You see, when I started all of this I had everything completely outlined. What I was aiming for, what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I had focus, I had energy and I had means to do it. This was 6 years ago and not a lot of that energy, focus and means has remained. But this past feels days might have changed everything. I realize that I’m not only writing a book on brazilian folklore. I’m not only writing a fairy tale. This is me. I’m writing about myself. I’m the clown in that story. I’m the one who falls in love with the princess and has to go into a one man mission to have her. It’s all me. And that’s where the darkness comes from. Why would someone go after all the little things that hurted oneself? Why would someone relive some really great moment just to realize that everything that came after was just horrible? Can you see what I mean? What I’m doing is absurd, but I gotta do it. I need to finish this. I needed to see the light, which I did this week.
Now Cravo is in the skies. In a castle in the clouds. He’s so close to what he’s looking for. He can, literally, smell the roses. The fairy tale is gonna end soon, otherwise I’ll.
Some years ago, I had this realization that I was born at least 70 years too late. I’m too romantic, too old, too poetic and too optimistic (and I’m also a cancer, if you are into the whole horoscope thing) to be living in this age of irony and desattachment. Thank to the higher powers I can escape and create this worlds and actually spend time in them.
The whole process of creating this book is coming to an end quite soon. And at the same time I’m gonna miss it dearly, I’m gonna be extremely happy to be able to see the light once more.
Aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem,
m.









